The journal you are now encountering is my emotional dumping ground. I keep much of it behind a friends-only filter, so that the whole world doesn't see my business. This is my real-life journal, and one of the ways I have learned to constructively deal with my unstable emotions is to write about them. My friends, family, and trusted others get to see the whole picture of me, warts and all. The only things I generally allow the whole world to read are miscellaneous memes, news articles, humour, political items, and anything else that happens catches my atten... oooh, look! Shiny!

If you would like to read most of my writings, you will need to create a LiveJournal account. Please email me to add you to the list: Write2Hagrid@kevyn.com

If you are currently a subscriber and want to remove me from your friends list, that's fine. I won't be offended. I think calling it a "friends" list is a bit inaccurate, anyway (I think of it as a "reader's list" instead.) Just drop me a note to say you don't have time to read me right now, or whatever, and I'll understand.

And if I read your comment and forget to comment back, don't take it personally. I'm absent minded that way, and a horrible procrastinator when it comes to text communications -- I tend to sit on things a while.

Sex filter: I also have a friends-only filter for slutty subjects, namely where I write openly about my sex life -- which usually (but not always!) involves big hairy men. In order to read these posts, you must specifically ask to be given access to my carnal inner sanctum.

End-User License Agreement (EULA): By reading this LiveJournal, You agree to Bind your Soul to Mine for all Eternity. Furthermore, You agree to develop a sense of humour, to not take things I say so seriously (especially when I'm being egotistical, whiny, or sarcastic), hold harmless the author for any and all copyright or copyleft infringements, and to not take it personally when He thoughtlessly forgets to answer Your comments in a timely fashion. RadicalFaerie customs, mores, and decorum rule in this space. Adult subject matter is contained within. You have been warned.

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Somehow I missed this tidbit in the #Canadian press at the time... back in 2009, a #MooseJaw doctor published the official #Rorschach #inkblots on #Wikipedia . This erupted in an international #scandal because the cards, though in the #PublicDomain , were considered a #TradeSecret by #Psychologists .
Having taken the test myself, while an inpatient at the #Menninger Clinic in
#...Expand this post »Kevyn Jacobs @ Google+

Edit: I think the LJ cross-posting software on G+ is having problems. That title of this entry on LJ is obviously wrong, and the link above doesn't take you to my post on G+ like it says, but goes directly to the Globe & Mail article.

Here's the full G+ post: https://plus.google.com/u/0/102265707454304579425/posts/B3nSXWp3N7N

Tuesday evening's results from North Carolina's anti-gay referendum really pissed me off. So much so that I went into a rage. The irritation and anger building for days inside of me erupted physically as I screamed at fucking Southern Christian bigots, slapping and pounding my hand on my thighs repeatedly in righteous anger.

It's bruised, now, a darkening blemish. There's a smaller bruise on the other side that isn't visible in the photo.

This kind of surprises me. The hitting myself isn't new, I have been known to do it when especially angry and having an argument in my head with some asshole that has pissed me off. (I have a lot of arguments in my head, all day long...)

I've never bruised myself like this before. I guess I was so outraged that I spent a lot of the evening flaming online and hitting and slapping the shit out of hateful Christians, with my leg serving as a stand-in.

The worst of the hostility has passed, but it's still there. Clawing at my insides like a monster. At least I'm pretty on the outside, because right now, honey, I'm not very pretty on the inside. The amount of pure HATE welling up in me, the uncontrolled RAGE that keeps erupting over the past week, is both terrifying and satisfying. There is a pleasure in letting loose the rage beast on those who have wronged me.

Usually I can control it. But sometimes the beast escapes, and I go to a dangerous place. My family can tell you how vicious I turn when I am consumed. Very dangerous. Bestial. Demonic. Dark. Frightening. My family and schoolmates took the brunt of it growing up, when I lost control. My great aunt Evelyn -- the one who died in the Tennessee state hospital in the 1940s -- had violent episodes like that too, which is why my Great Granny had to have her committed.

Intentional self-harm wasn't my goal here -- there was no goal, just rage -- but I have inflicted self-harm in my rages in the past. The earliest one I can remember was when I was in 7th Grade, and I took a pair of scissors to my hair. (You can see the unfortunate after effects in my school photo from that year... Mom fixed it best as she could. Hmmm. I just looked at that picture again myself, and can see it in my eyes. Sunken eyes. Classic sign of depression.)

And it's pretty safe to say that several of my suicide attempts in my 20s were self-inflicted in bouts of rage (though not all... some were during quite bleak depressive episodes).
( Click for more Raging Drama Queen )

Don't know when I am going to crash. My legs are bruised from hitting them out of anger last night. Spent a lot of the last 24 hours bashing Christians and Obamabots online. I fucking hate people, especially stupid people... and Americans, as a whole, are a stupid people. I slept fine, but I got up and was raging again. It doesn't stop. Still going. When I get this wound up the crash afterwards is often spectacular.

Been building for days. This afternoon's anti-gay amendment in North Carolina has really pushed me from irritation into FURY.

I see now that the true problem is Christianity. It's the bible beaters who are responsible for this!

Well NO MORE MR. NICE GUY. If you believe that homosexuality is wrong, because the bible tells you so, then I will mock you for the bigoted idiot you are!!!!!!!!

OK, watch this video, and then prepare for my rant:


Yeah this is why I hate most straight people, and especially midwestern #bible -worshipping " #Christians ." I grew up among them, and they are some of the most misguided, bigoted, mean and evil people, and I only wish there was a Hell to send them to in order to punish them for their slavish devotion to their #Jesus and that stupid book of theirs and their narrow-minded stone age beliefs. I try to hate the beliefs but love the believers... but this sort of thing makes it very, very hard not to #HATE #Christian s and #Jews and #Muslims and other "People of the Book" theists.
#TheBibleIsBullshit
#LGBT #GayMarriage #SameSexMarriage #EqualLoveEqualRights #Christianity #Atheism #God #JesusSaveMeFromYourFollowers #ReligiousBigotry #Discrimination #Family #ChristianFamily #familyfriendly #Marriage #MarriageEquality #RighteousAnger #ANGER

There's no wonder or magic left inside me.

Does this mean I can't be a Radical Faerie anymore? Does Radical Faerie have any meaning without the spiritual aspect? Without woo, is a Faerie still a Faerie?

I feel drained...

BELLINGHAMSTERS! Do you have old 3.5" Floppy Disks lying around gathering dust? Want to get rid of them, but don't want to put them in the landfill?
NWCLIC, the volunteer organization I work for, is looking for donations of old 3.5 floppy disks that we can erase and re-use with our students. Contact me if you want to give us some. Thanks!

(Had to say it!)

Yes, I'm a drag queen fan. So sue me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planchette#In_Popular_Culture

In Popular Culture
Drag queen Sharon Needles wore a "Mystic Hand" planchette as a fashion statement on her forehead when she was crowned "America's Next Drag Superstar" on RuPaul's Drag Race, April 2012. [1] Ms. Needles has confirmed on her facebook wall that the planchette was a 1940s original, not a modern reproduction.[2] The wooden planchette was manufactured c. 1940 by the Haskelite Manufacturing Corporation in Chicago, Illinois, and was sold with a version of a Ouija board called the "Hasko Mystic Board."[3]